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Marriage: Beyond the Wedding Day

Posted By : Administrator Thursday 08 Dec, 2016
Marriage: Beyond the Wedding Day

Marriage is a roller coaster ride. There is no set pattern for a romantic relationship but most often it unfolds in the following 3 stages:

- Infatuation

- Doubt

- Attachment


Infatuation

This represents the early stages, when a couple has just gotten married—the period when the brain releases a host of hormones, including dopamine and norepinephrine. It’s that phase of a perpetual high when the other person means just about everything to you. Your moods fluctuate from giddy when they’re close, to withdrawn when they’re not. It’s known to last anywhere between a few hours to several months.

Doubt

After the period of intense infatuation comes a period of doubt, probably after a few months of marriage. This is the hardest stage of a relationship as at this point the differences between partners become more obvious. Rather than see the other person from your dopamine-veiled perspective, you begin to see them for what they really are—flawed, human and standard. This stage has two possible outcomes, growing apart due to irreconcilable differences or the creation of stronger romantic bonds.

Attachment

Following the period of lingering differences, a relationship either diminishes or naturally progresses to love. When in love, both individuals co-exist, complimenting each other. The differences already known, they are able to tolerate one another, developing a deep sense of attachment and mutual dependence.


When the relationship suffers, it looks very different. 

Many couples make the mistake of putting more emphasis on the wedding ceremony than on the life that comes after. The high from the wedding ceremony ensures that everything stays breezy for a while, but what comes next? Slow reversal into norms and perhaps even a rise of differences that went unnoticed during courtship. A few months after the wedding, things aren’t looking as good as they did. He’s starting to stay out late more. She’s beginning to sound just a bit more petulant than she used to, it used to sound adorable, but now it’s just annoying. It’s a testament to the complexity of human relationships that these differences may not show up at all during the courtship stage. Getting through this low is the difficult part. So what should one do?

Tolerate

After the wedding, these new differences and perceived deficiencies may come as a shock to partners. Tolerance is key. Knowing that the other person has flaws and recognizing that you do too is the first step to reaching a needed compromise. Together work towards improvement on those drawbacks, and if they cannot be improved upon, find a means of tolerating them.

Trust

When sticky situations arise, remembering that you chose to spend the rest of your life with your partner will keep you going. Trust in the person you chose to take those vows with. Trust in the version of you who made that decision.

Hold On

It may be your kids, your extended family, or even your career, but remember that a lot of things are going to suffer if you choose to exit the relationship. Hold on to those things and make them a source of motivation to work things out.

Human relationships are tricky affairs and marriages are no exception. Problems will arise, there’s no doubt about, but what matters is how far you’re willing to go to make things work. At difficult times like these, speaking to a therapist, whether alone or as a couple, can be a great source of comfort and guidance. Often marriages and relationships are saved by seeking counselling and working out problems effectively.


Catex Health is a large network of mental health experts who are available 24x7 for your support and will ensure confidential, dignified and empowering support for any sort of emotional distress. Click here to reach out to an expert or call +91 9911775626.